The Clog

The Triumphant Return of the Clog

2009-10-23T08:32:00.001-07:00

At the request of one of the best Matthew Good impersonators I've ever seen, I've decided to hop off the lazy train, and get back to work. I'm thinking the only thing that'll get me back into it, is to discuss my favourite mental handicap.

We have several Russians working in my office, and many of them are beyond crazy, but little did I know of the degrees of lunacy a person can reach when mixing Russian blood with Islamic Theology.

Russian Muslims Flock To See Miracle Baby

I don't know about you, but I'd have a little trouble praising a god that feels baby tattooing is more important than saving 30000 people a day from starvation. But that's just me. If only natural selection still applied, these people would have never lived long enough to procreate, but unfortunately our society was designed to sustain even the stupidest of creatures. Apparently "local doctors have not been able to explain the phenomenon", which really doesn't surprise me coming from a culture that probably has a section on religion on their final medical exams. What am I talking about, probably?? Of course they do!

So I guess if you're going to take anything from today's entry, it's this. If you ever have a child with someone, and one day you happen to see fairy tales burned into the child's leg, get yourself and the kid the hell out of there, and don't look back.

Fred Mills / 1935-2009

2009-09-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I was speaking with a friend of mine on Google Talk, and he told me about the untimely passing of his uncle, University of Georgia professor, and master trumpeter, Fred Mills. You may not be familiar with that name, but I'm sure if I mentioned The Canadian Brass to you, bells might go off in your head. Fred was taken suddenly in a car accident, on his way to his Athens, Georgia home on Monday night after an overseas trip.

As well as being one of the original members of The Canadian Brass, Fred's contributions to music north, and south of the border have been numerous, appearing on more than 40 albums for RCA, Sony, Philips and BMG.

Thanks to the magic of the internet, Fred's contributions will live on, and can be appreciated by future generations. Here's just a small sampling of Fred's legendary work.

Fred Mills; Scherzando; at ITG 2008 Banff

Canadian Brass - The Flight Of The Bumblebee

Fred Mills - Someone To Watch Over Me

R.I.P. Fred.

Today's Lesson: The Catholic Church

2009-08-31T11:23:00.000-07:00

Gather 'round children, and hear the words of funnyman Louis C.K. as he teaches us all about the wonders of the Catholic church.

Louis C.K. learns about the Catholic church

Thanks for the REAL, real truth, Louis.

The Missing Link

2009-08-27T21:02:00.000-07:00

I found him, and I think he might play the guitar!

Bubblicious

2009-08-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

You know those blank, plastic CDs you get when you buy a stack of blank CDs? Have you ever thought it was a waste to just throw them out? Well probably not, but in my line of work we're burning about 1000 CDs a month for clients, so I figured I'd start collecting them for some sort of project when I had enough. About 200 plastic CDs, and a year later, my inspiration has finally come. I never really had any plans for them, but I was hoping to use them all in one go. Well it turns out this new idea will allow me to use them one at a time for extended enjoyment.

Bubble Discs

Now what I want to know, is why am I only hearing about this now?!

Vegan?

2009-08-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

Holy Shit!

2009-08-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

Holy shit!

Extreme Pool Jump!

A Helpful Reminder

2009-08-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

If you're like me, and I know you are, sometimes even the simplest of tasks can leave you feeling lost and helpless. But thanks to the magic of the internets, you'll never be left in the dark again.

My latest brain cell strike came when I found myself in a bit of a situation. I was about to experience a total eclipse of the heart, but alas I had no idea what to do! Do I turn around now? Who has bright eyes? Am I falling apart???

Fortunately the good people at the internets were able to help me. After a quick Google search, they pointed me in the direction of a support group for people with the same affliction as me. It seems I'm not the first person to be caught off guard by an eclipsing heart.

So for those of you at risk of suffering from eclipsing organs, I give you this easy to follow flow chart. I can only hope it saves you the pain I've been forced to endure so many times in the past.

Go Joe!

2009-08-17T11:14:00.001-07:00

I can't say I've gotten around to seeing the new G.I. Joe movie, nor do I have any plans to do so, but I still think it's safe to say that this is the only good thing to come as a result of this movie being made.

G.I. Joe Ballad

Thank you for rekindling my love of little plastic men, Funny or Die.

New Rule: Smart President ≠ Smart Country

2009-08-07T13:19:00.001-07:00

In a perfect world, this man would be President. If I were American, and I honestly thought the rest of the country was intelligent enough to elect him, the Maher/Stewart or even Stewart/Maher ticket would have my vote in a heartbeat.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Ineligible to serve.

2009-08-06T10:39:00.001-07:00

I just got some bad news today. It turns out due to my place of birth, I do not meet the requirements of the constitution of this site to have a blog. My attempts to stay one step ahead of the birther movement were squashed today as I received a copy of my original Kenyan birth certificate in the mail, which I've fought so hard to keep private all these years.

My Birth Certificate

I'm assuming the Blogger Feds are on there way to my office right now, so I better cut this short.

The forecast calls for a chance of rock.

2009-08-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

Yup, I'm still here....

In my line of work I get/have to listen to a lot of music. I think I can safely say I spend more time in a week listening to music than most people spend doing anything else. Of the thousands of songs I go through in a month, I'm lucky if I can come up with an album's worth of decent new music that I like. Well yesterday I hit that mark in one fell swoop. Allow me to first tantalize your taste buds...errr...ears with this tasty little treat.

The Dead Weather - Treat Me Like Your Mother

Assuming your head stayed intact until the end of that video, I'm guessing you won't be able to do another thing until you hear the entire album. Well Merry effin' Christmas, mis amigos!

The Dead Weather - Horehound (Rapidshare)

If you haven't guessed by now, this is Jack White's latest project of the month. In this chapter however he's decided to literally take a back seat and give up the lead role to the always sexy Alison Mosshart of The Kills and a couple other bands who's names escape me right now.

If you're into dirty, raunchy, kick you in the face garage rock, then this is an album you do not want to miss.

Where am I? In space, that's where!

2009-07-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile, but don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you two. I'm too tired to be pissed off at anything today, so I'll spare you a rant and give you something cool instead. Aren't I the best?

This is something I came across a couple months ago, and just stumbled upon it again. Now that I've got a blog (sort of), I figured I'd pass this on.

Asteroid Impact (HD)

You may notice that the song in this is the same song you're hearing right now, but it's a wicked tune, so deal with it. I'll change the one on my page eventually, but that's just such a killer vocal solo that I think I'll let you enjoy it for now.

I guess I don't have much else to say. I'm sorry I couldn't waste a little more of your time. Why don't you just watch that video a couple more times, it never gets old.

No Parking

2009-07-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've gone 3 posts already, and haven't once mentioned my contempt for adults with imaginary friends. Well maybe contempt is the wrong word. Pity perhaps? Call it what you will, the fact remains that the second these religitards try to tell me the "truth", I stop listening to anything else they have to say.

Unfortunately in this world it's next to impossible to keep the company of only logical thinking people, so I'll try not to alienate any of my family or friends who might hold some of these silly beliefs. You'll notice I didn't say uneducated, or dumb, because somehow even intelligent people are susceptible to being brainwashed.

I am more than happy to give religion all the respect it deserves, which is absolutely none. I couldn't find the exact quote, but British comedian and Atheist crusader, Pat Condell said something about that in one of his YouTube videos that stuck with me.

Actually scratch that....I just found the video. I couldn't possibly put it any better than the man himself.

Pat Condell on faith

I would add to that if I could, but that pretty accurately sums up how I feel about religion. So if I've offended you, then I can only assume you deserved it.

So anyway, what set off today's rant was something I stumbled upon at work. Hearing about a group of lunatics willing to give up their lives for their beliefs is nothing new, but you really have to be a special kind of idiot to do it over a parking lot.

No Parking on Saturday

These are the people that deserve ridicule. You have to be mentally ill to believe any of this primitive bullshit. Although I'm guessing it doesn't say a damn thing in their Torah about driving on Saturdays anyway.

Work calls, so I'll leave it there for today.

Jumanji!! No wait....Jango!!

2009-07-09T22:26:00.000-07:00

If you're wondering where that music is coming from, don't worry, that's my fault. I just stumbled upon a cool music streaming site. These sites are a dime a dozen these days but this one hooked me somehow, and before I knew it, I had setup a station. It almost sets itself up actually. Just put in the name of one band and it knows exactly what you like. You'll need to sign up, but it only takes a second and if you listen to any music online, it's definitely worth it.

Jango

So anyway, that's what you're hearing now. It seems to only play Foxy Lady when you load the page, but if you click one of those pictures flying by in the widget on your right, you can listen to songs from some of the bands on my station.

Feel free to put your feet up, and enjoy the tunes!

Anybody there?

2009-07-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hello Internets. I'm going to continue with the assumption that I'm the only one who's read this blog, but I'm killing time so it's all good.

I can't say I'm ever shocked when the talking heads on Faux News say something ridiculously stupid, but I was blown away at how blatant this jackass is about being a white supremacist. He might as well have said "I'm a racist asshole who believes that non-whites aren't even human beings".

Fox: Swedes have pure genes, Fins have a pure society

Even his Barbie doll, shit for brains co-host thinks he crossed a line.

Well, back to work.

Why? Because I love you!

2009-07-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings, friend(s), and welcome to the only Michael Jackson free zone in this vast series of tubes!

In case you haven't noticed by now, I started a blog. I'll give you a second for it all to sink in.

We good?

Now then, some of you may be wondering to yourselves "I know Chico (Danny, Dan, Lord Pumpernickel, but for the purpose of this blog let's stick with Chico) pretty well, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would start a blog". There was a time when that would've been a pretty accurate thought. However, I've recently come to see blogs as a good thing, rather than just the drunken ramblings of intoxicated losers. They can also be a great source of entertainment for sober losers at work!

For those who know me, (presumably everyone reading this right now) you know that I spend 8 hours a day doing what most people would get in trouble for doing at work. I'm a professional internet surfer. Yes, you read that correctly. I am cursed/fortunate enough to spend seemingly endless hours every day surfing the internet, so I feel I'm in a unique position to share my weird and wacky findings with all you wonderful people in Internetopia. I promise you, the depths I venture into the internets are much further than most of you would ever dare travel, and some of the things I find are nothing short of spectacular. But mainly I'm just doing this because I find that typing shit up seems to make time fly by pretty quickly, and 5 o'clock never seems to come early enough.

Before any of you decide to pull out your red pens, I should mention that I am NOT a professional writer, nor am I an English teacher. I have been speaking the language most of my life, but even I'm likely to make spelling/grammatical errors, and based on my blood alcohol level at times, some posts may not even be coherent.

With that being said, I have nothing left to say and will say only this. If you are not COMPLETELY satisfied with my internetting skills and findings, I will be happy to offer you a full refund of the subscription price.

That's it for now, I'm off to hunt for a bit of awesome!